I'm so excited that the C's are opening up tonight and for the return of Kevin Garnett that I figured i'd share my experience with all you WeakStreamers.
In regards to Caron Butler, I actually saw that piece on PTI this evening and wanted to comment on it anyway. Like, WHAT?! What is the deal with these professional athletes and their crazy addictions? First Lamar Odom's insane candy addiction (look it up, it's nuts). Then Lendale White of the Tennessee Titans said he lost like 20 pounds after giving up tequila. And now Caron Butler and his 6 a day Dew habit, come on! It's either not that difficult to be a professional athlete or these guys are even more athletically freakish then we thought if they are this good while dining only on RC cola and moon pies.
Besides, six dew slams a day is nothing. I remember a point in college where I would drink a half bottle of tequila, get real weird and go out til 4. Then get up early the next morning and go work out, only to come home after and slam like 3 dews before 10 am. I think I went an entire semester only eating double cheeseburgers and slamming dews. Needless to say it was a rough patch in my life. Anyway, on to the game...
7:27 -- Glen 'big baby' Davis is out after sustaining a mysterious hand injury when he apparently got into a fight with a friend. Fucking guy is killing me already. Here's what i'm assuming is being saidby Tommy Heinsohn and Mike Gorman on the local broadcast..
Mike - "Well, Tommy it looks like someone did a number on Davis's hand."
Tommy - "That's right Mike, his friend must have gave him quite the hand job."
Mike - "Let's go to coach Willie Maye..."
7:32 -- Seeing KG headbutt the stantion makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
7:37 - The Celts come out wicked flat early on in Cleveland. Hold on, let me put my surprise face on.
7:50 -- Rasheed Wallace's first possession: Immediately jacks up a long jumper-miss. Celts get the offensive board and Sheed hucks up a DEEP three-make. The Rasheed Wallace era could be extremely frustrating.
7:57 -- Um, does anyone else see Marquis Daniel's hair??
7:58 -- Thank God I don't have HD or Shelden Williams would have just blown up the entire screen.
8:01 -- Man I could go for a Dew right about now.
8:05 -- Eddie (energy) House for 3!!!!!!!! After a very nice and not so subtle push off.
8:07 -- Doug Collins just said Jamario Moon has played for 19 teams in 9 years, holy balls! The list on his wiki page includes the Cleveland Cavaliers, Miami Heat, Toronto Raptors, Harlem Globetrotters (who knew?), Albany Patroons, Fuerza Regia, Gary Steelheads, Huntsville Flight, Arkansas Rimrockers, Lakeland Blueducks, Mobile Revelers, Dodge City Legend, Oklahoma Storm, Kentucky Colonels, Rockford Lightning, Rome Gladiators, Fort Worth Flyers, and Marietta Storm.
First of all I only count 18, and I haven't even heard of some of these teams. I mean who the fuck are the Toronto Raptors?
8:14 -- Collins just mentioned that Doc Rivers called a 30 minte window of silence at practice because his team was talking too much. This must have really hindered Brian Scalabrini's Samuel L. Jackson impersonation. Priceless.
8:20 -- Nice shovel pass from Perk to Pierce for an open 3. Perk has clearly been working with Brett Favre on that pass during the offseason...I guess that would explain the Wranglers under the shorts as well.
8:28 -- Kendrick Perkins's first illegal screen of the year. Now the Celtics season has officially begun.
9:02 -- KG gets knocked over by Shaq and immediately gets up and starts beating his chest. I'm going to start doing this when I get up in the morning.
9:07 -- Kid Rock just told me to drink responsibly. That's funny. I think when you're drinking Red Stag bourbon you've given up drinking responsibly a long time ago.
9:10 -- Shaq has played 11 minutes so far, 10:52 of which has been spent in the paint.
9:17 -- One more Celtic turnover and i'm going back to Dancing With The Stars...I mean it.
9:21 -- Perk just runs over Mo Williams for an offensive foul.
Kendrick Perkins : Basketball Court : Bull : China Shop
9:41 -- Eddie House's completely out of control run and pass offensive style does not mix well with Shelden Williams's hands carved from the rock of Gibraltar. It's like if Brett Favre was throwing lasers to Joey Galloway. Why can't I go one post without mentioning Brett Favre?
10:21 -- Great win. And what better way to end it than with a rambling, nonsensical post-game interview with Kevin Garnett where he ends by telling Cheryl Miller that she smells good. I am so glad KG is back in my life.
more like this, please. i too, am so glad KG is back in my life.
ReplyDeletealso, i can't believe NEITHER OF YOU GUYS responded to my text last night. i understand you were watching the game, but seriously...nothing?
this morning i saw a bus that said 'American Boychoir' on the side.
that is all.
You saw my bus?
ReplyDeleteAlso forgot to mention that Caron Butler thinks he's a real cop. Oh wait, that was Olden Polynice. But GAWD what I would have given for it to be Caron Butler pretending to be a cop. You can read about why in my upcoming book 'Jokes that Exactly Two People Get', It's coming out before my pun-related book, which in a sly, self-aware deviation from expectations, will not have a pun title and instead will be called 'Feast on My Delicious Puns, Fucktards'.
"The Celts come out wicked flat early on in Cleveland. Hold on, let me put my surprise face on." I love this quote because, read literally, it seems like your putting on the face you would use to surprise someone, like a big smile or something.
ReplyDelete